god, this idea of grace still gets to me. the unmerited, undeserved favor of God...what the heck does that mean. i feel that if i accept it, my body will react as if a foreign cell is intruding, and begin to attack it w/ antibodies. it IS foreign. there is no human equivalent to grace...how are we called to accept IT? they say it's my pride that holds me back, but i dont think so. whenever i hear that, i just wanna tell them that it would be careless to accept such an unfathomable gift with such ease. as if it were on one's whim. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT. i mean, come on, a decision of this magnitude demands for some hardcore struggle....no?



it still gets to me.