dude, what the freaking hell am i doing with myself. i mean, seriously now. i am wasting it all away. i say i dont care about the things of this world, and yet i come back, and feel this nasty "i wish i did things differently" regret creeping into the back of my head. and i let it stay. and i look at everything through this lens. and i start HATING this place. and i start hating myself. i could be doing so much more. and i know my errors, i know what i could be doing differently. but i hesitate. and i trick myself into believing that this is good enough. and man, that's when the doubts creep in, chip at my flimsy faith, and crack the only solid thing i have. but it's okay, b/c nothing shows right now. but c'mon, who am i kidding.





there's something liberating about blogging my rants, insecurities, moments of joy, observations, etc. i dont know why i feel like i gotta tell the world, but i dunno...i guess i want someone out there to tell me, or just to think, "yeah, i get you."