today i had a block of free time, so i decided to read through my old journal that i brought along with me. looking back, a year from today...who woulda thunk.

:: hm.. ::
i am still puzzled by many aspects of the Christian life. for example, prayer. i cant understand the mechanics of prayer. maybe that's the thing, that prayer doesnt have any mechanics to it. it just is. in spite of my uneasiness with this subject, i cant help but think about it all the time. as if praying was irresistable.

:: change ::
i've been able to see changes in a few of my close friends, and change is such an extraordinary process to witness. even more to experience. it's like when you're standing on the beach shore, looking out at the sea...and you're so captivated by its vastness that you dont realize that you're slowly shifting...the waves are moving you...changing your location. after time passes, you look up and you see that you are a good distance away from where you first began. it's like that. change takes me by surprise. a slow tedious process, wearing away the impurities, softening the jagged edges. slowly.

it's like when i want time to pass quickly, i stare at the clock, pushing the second hand with my eyes. but the seconds move so slowly...time becomes elongated till it's unbearable. so i look away, and chat (haha). and before i know it, two hours have gone by. everything important, it seems, changes gradually...with a slow flow that cant be noticed up close. you gotta step back and let things take their course. with time, they will change.






aiya...gah suhm ahp puh...and i dont know why.