::what's going on::

i have a paper to write, but too much is on my brain. all of my past anchors in christianity are floating away. turns out they are in the same boat as i am. very disconcerting. dunno what to make of this.

dunno what to do with my searching. i am so sick of it. i hate being around christians, but i cant take my eyes off of their unique unexplainable oddness. what am i to do.

i just realized that all three of my term papers have to do with christianity. getting a little obsessive.

but what is the alternative? i cant take it easy. i cant chill out. then i will be settling for complacency. yes, there is a time for everything (eccl 3) but what am i supposed to do in the meantime? SIT ON MY ASS?

that is bullshit. then what am i to do. what's going on. i dont know.


::help me believe::

Help me believe
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Take me back to the time
When I was maybe eight or nine
And I believed
When Jesus walked on waters blue
And if He helped me, I could too
If I believed

Before rationale, analysis and systematic thinking
Robbed me of a sweet simplicity
When wonders and when mysteries
Were far less often silly dreams
And childhood fantasies

Help me believe
'Cause I don't want to miss any miracles
Maybe I'd see much better by closing my eyes
And I would shed this grownup skin I'm in
To touch an angel's wing
And I would be free
Help me believe

When mustard seeds made mountains move
A burning bush that spoke for You was good enough
When manna fell from heavens high
Just because You told the sky to open up

Am I too wise to recognise that everything uncertain
Is certainly a possibility?
When logic fails my reasoning
And science crushes underneath
The weight of all that is unseen

Help me believe
'Cause I don't want to miss any miracles
Maybe I'd see much better by closing my eyes
And I would shed this grownup skin I'm in
To touch an angel's wing
And I would be free
Help me believe

When someone else's education
Plays upon my reservations
I'm the first to cave, I'm the first to bleed

If I abandon all that seeks
To make my faith informed and chic
Could You, would You show Yourself to me?

Help me believe
'Cause I don't want to miss any miracles
Maybe I'd see much better by closing my eyes
And I would shed this grownup skin I'm in
To touch an angel's wing
And I would be free
Help me believe