:: HIG ::
ok i promised that i'd make a shout out to my investments team, HIG (hugo iris gavin), because we broke $14,000 today in the stock market. wow, from dead last two almost first ( we'll see on monday :) ) anyway i'm proud of us. but i have to admit....it's a little pathetic how much this investments class rules our lives. if the market has a bad day, i think it's the next depression. if the market is bullish like today, i feel like my life is complete. anyway, with luck HIG will stay in the lead. so good times. :)

:: stress ::
i have too much of it all of a sudden. it stresses me out that i have so much stress. senior class duties, final papers and exams, calcbc ap (SHIT), orchestra crapola, mother's day, summer plans, family matters, investments (jk, but not really), and of course this stupid asswipe of an independent study that i'm gonna fuck up so bad in just two weeks :(. and i'm so tired these days, i dont know why. esp. these last few days when i've been so busy. and now i'm sick again. my bed is my new best friend. ohhhhhhhh i want it to be the end of may.

:: what the heck ::
the most frustrating thing. so i got to my violin lesson early today, so i made a phone call to old town music to ask if they had a piano part to something..anyway, so i'm on the phone outside and i finish the call, open my trunk, get my violin, put my phone on top of a blanket in my trunk and go to my lesson. after my lesson i put my violin into the trunk, drive my car home and at home as i'm pulling out my violin, i look for my phone and it's not there. WHAT THE HECK. i was flabbergasted. how could i lose a cell phone within two hours when all i did was go to a violin lesson?! and i remember so well exactly what i did with it. i'm so )@utr 2;0358u202lwijf02t8y20 3589u!

:: but it's ::
raining! and rain always makes me in a special mood. i really dont like the super hot cloudless days. they remind me of my childhood summers when everything was hazy and i felt like i was an old tv show. but rain. it makes everything smell pungent and look so vivid and feel real. it's like the difference between taking a bunch of lowgrade lowpixel color pictures with some ghettomania camera and taking really sharp awesome black and white photos. that's how i feel like when it rains.

:: my mom ::
so my mom came into my room after coming home from a master's circle dinner thing at school. and i was just being really whiny to her b/c i felt like a cooked vegetable and i didnt feel like moving, and i was stressed out and nothing was going right. so i said i wanted ice cream so me and her went to macdonalds and got an ice cream cone! it was so cute :). the lady at macdonalds thought we were crazy b/c we were buying ice cream on the one day that it rains on a friday night. but during the time, we talked about our days and stuff and i got to vent. it was good times. i really appreciate my mom these days. she's the best

:: bible paper ::
so we have a paper due monday for bible as lit. and i was trying to start it tonight, and i realized that i havent opened my bible for a really long time. i mean...for awhile early htis year i was on a streak, reading every day and everything. but i just stopped recently. it wasnt even that my motivation died out...i just see no point in it anymore. what's going on? i dont know. you know how during the year, there's that one period near the end of summer where everything just slows down and turns to muck? where it's too hot to move and you just wanna stare at the wall and do nothing? yeah, that's me in may, atleast with this whole sector of my life. fundamental questions that i thought i took care of long ago are starting to re-emerge. so i go through the lengthy and tiring process of searching for the answer to them all again in my head. i hope i dont go crazy this time too. anyway, enough blogging. i have to have my dosage of alias before i conk out again. enjoy the quotes.

"Religion is not ours till we live by it, till it is the Religion of our thoughts, words, and actions, till it goes with us into every place, sits uppermost on every occasion, and forms and governs our hopes and fears, our cares and pleasures. "

-william law

"Those who talk of reading the Bible "as literature" sometimes mean, I think, reading it without attending to the main thing it is about; like reading Burke with no interest in politics, or reading the Aeneid with no interest in Rome... But there is a saner sense in which the Bible -- since it is, after all, literature -- cannot properly be read except as literature, and the different parts of it as the different sorts of literature they are. Most emphatically, the Psalms must be read as poems -- as lyrics, with all the licenses and all the formalities, the hyperboles, the emotional rather than logical connections, which are proper to lyric poetry... Otherwise we shall miss what is in them and think we see what is not."

c.s. lewis

Is it not plain that all spiritual apathy comes not from over-trust but from unbelief, either doubting that sin is present death, or else that holiness is life and that Jesus has a gift to bestow, not in heaven, but promptly, which is better to gain than all the world? Therefore salvation is linked with faith, which earns nothing but elicits all, like the touch that evokes electricity but which no man supposes to have made it.

g.s. chadwick