i was thinking on my way home today about how i was four years ago. i cant believe how much i've changed, mostly with my principles and on my outlook on life. it's scary to think where i would be if things didnt play out as they did. it's that feeling you get when you're on the freeway and you're having a jolly time in the car just yappin away with your friend or you're singing to the radio, and all of a sudden you see a car coming into you and you swerve out of control and for those infinity of three seconds, your whole world is thrown amok, your life on the brink of existence. and then it's all over. and you're ok. everything is as it was three seconds ago, but YOu have changed. you cant breathe. the images of what could have been start swarming in your head and all you can conenctrate on is that sickening feeling in your stomach. and it starts to dawn on you that you've been playing the cards all wrong. i look back on the past five years and i think of all the possible accidents i could have gotten myself into. and i am so damn nauseated by it all, and all that pride that i carry just turns to dust. jesus, it's scary. these are the times when i become broken, and i get a glimpse of what's behind this illusion. i've been running on empty for too long.

"The only saving faith is that which casts itself on God for life or death." - Martin Luther