:SIGH:

today (i'm writing this on friday night) was a busy hectic day. i had to tutor a 3rd grade kid this afternoon. well first i went to barnes and noble to buy some books, and then i went to tutor this little girl. she's so cute and all, but man...i took up this tutoring thing hoping to work on my teaching skills and on my patience, but oh my god...i realized how impatient i can be. i was really getting frustrated, first at the girl b/c she was fooling around and she wasnt trying, and then at myself b/c i was being so hard on her. i remember telling myself..."dude when i have a kid, i'm never gonna let her be like that. she's gonna be smart and studious and intelligent and..." and then i stopped myself. holy tamale, no one get me pregnant b/c i would be one terrible mother. i mean..i am insane. i'm turning into one of them crazy nazi korean mothers that dont feed their kids unless they bring home straight a's. :( it made me really depressed. i cant believe i am such an impatient calloused person. jesus...

anyway, after that i went to the bball game and it was okay...not nearly as good as the other game, mostly b/c we lost, but hey...that other time was BOMB and we played well. so props to the boys bball team. i wish i could have just gone to fnf with lindsey and lauren, though. i think i would have had a better time. :( sorry i flaked.
so after that the same crew as before (minus jen) went to in and out and kinda pigged out. and then after, grace dropped us off at school, me and suh chilled and watched a movie. and then after that...i dont know...i just wanted to be alone so i kinda ran off to my little own space. i feel like i'm getting dumber and dumber. i can FEEL myself turning into a fucking vegetable. i mean...what the hell is wrong with me, really.

these days i look forward to sunday more than anything. i dont even know why, it's just become a habit. monday through friday is always such a fucking drag these days. i dont learn anything, and all i do all day long is wait for the next day to come along. and then it's saturday, and i'm always wary of saturdays b/c i'm afraid i'm gonna get myself into trouble. so my mind is always on sunday...it's like reaching the "safe zone" in tag or something. maybe that's it. maybe it's b/c i feel like i'm being chased everywhere i go. i feel like i can breathe on sundays. i dont know. not all the time, but lately...sunday has been my haven, my safe zone.


here comes saturday.


words of the day
He that asks me what heaven is, means not to hear me, but to silence me; He knows I cannot tell him. When I meet him there, I shall be able to tell him, and then he will be as able to tell me; yet then we shall be but able to tell one another. This, this that we enjoy is heaven, but the tongues of Angels, the tongues of glorified Saints, shall not be able to express what that heaven is; for, even in heaven our faculties shall be finite.

- John Donne