cant sleep
i hate trying to sleep. it's so bloody hard. i'm so dead tired right now, i almost have sankapul :(. but yeah, i cant fall asleep as usual. maybe it's some kind of a disease or something. like gingivitis :+. so instead i'm gonna update. it's all about consistency, man. one of the four pillars of success :). h ahha....another time another time

what i did today
hmm...i took a nap b/c i didnt fall asleep till 3 or something the night before. then i jammed on my guitar, practiced a wee bit, and then watched tv! that's right! a good three hours :). friends, ehh...will and grace was better....but....E...R..!! carter proposed! awwwwww...just in time for valentine's day. it's kind of pathetic, my obsession with the carter/abby relationship, or with ER in general. geez...i'm addicted. i remember my 5th grade teacher telling me she loved the show, and that she loved U2. from then on, i always thought that ER and U2 were super cool and only for old people. am i old? hmm...that would explain the

massive amount of white hairs on my head
what the heck is up with that. my parents dont have THAT many white hairs. my brother has practically none. is it stress? hmm... :( it makes my mom sad though. whenever she sees all of my white hairs, she never makes me do any errands. hehe....and dude, my friends hav eto stop plucking them out. after grace said that every one hair plucked out will result in three new growing in, i get so paranoid. :| oh well, i'll just hope that white hair comes into style in the future. haha

my backpack smells like
mold.

coldplay concert!
so me eugenia tammy and jessica were in the library during lunch and part of 6th period *oops* trying to get tickets to the coldplay concert in may. so we finally got them! presale! woooooooh :) but they are the worst worst worst seats :|. it's ok, though. i think eugenia's gonna try to get more on saturday so we can just sell those. anywho, i'm going! i was never a huge fan of them, but i dont know. i like acoustic music, and they're so mellow. i wanna hear them in concert. wooh, good times to come.

this weekend
so tomorrow, i'm off to a church retreat till monday. it's weird...for the first time, my mom's not making me go. it was completely my decision to go up. it kinda surprised me; was this an indication of change? have i become a fundamentally different character int he past year? god.... i remember a year ago. it seems so farbway, so childish? no, it was nice, right before things got really complicated. yeah...but i guess it goes back to that tolstoy quote for me. though i havent yet discovered the pearls, i genuinely believe that they exist. and finally, i can look past all that bullshit that bothered me before. i think i'm on my way. to where? i dont know, somewhere better than this. solomon says that "for with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief" (eccl 1:18). maybe that's why i have so many more white hairs this year.

but i dont know, that cant be the end of it. naw, not the end of a 5 year struggle, of a most burdening journey. naw...there's something beneath it all. i just gotta dig deeper to find the infinitely precious pearls. so till monday...