what i was thinking today...
you know that feeling that you get when you look at the sky...especially at night when it is littered with stars, where you start to realize how rare and delicate your existence really is... what an overwhelming feeling, you konw? and yeah, freud says that the 'religion of the common man' is created so that man is comforted with the thought that a careful Providence will watch over his life and will compensate him in a future existence for any frustrations he suffers here...how the whole thing is so patently infantile...so foreign to reality...mass deliusional...
it's understandable where freud is coming from...but i still think he's all bullshit. again, i think it boils down to the fact that he has never experienced that oceanic feeling. i'm such a cocky and prideful person, but during these moments...man i am so utterly humbled. and all these self righteous superior observations of religion...god who the hell cares about that? freud thinks he's the MAN b/c he was able to see pass the illusion, but he's focusing on the wrong picture, atleast in civ. and its discontents. and it's not only freud either. i cant fucking stand it when people start 'religion-bashing' and they get cocky as hell and think they're all smart and crap b/c they've seen religion for 'what it REALLY was.' all they are concerned with is the garbage, and consequently cannot see the pearls, those infinitely precious pearls that are hidden beneath it. (tolstoy's quote on the left) i cant stand it. man...it pisses me off so much. and what makes me even angrier is the thought that i was one of these people not so long ago...
so after thinking about this, i kinda re-evaluated my whole deal with god and all. and i've realized that i should be thankful as HELL for all of the pain and struggles i had to deal with. only through sufferings was i able to realize that my incorrect presumptions about religion were completely wrong. only after i was humiliated (in the most powerful sense) could i open my eyes and see how ridiculous i was acting before. it's almost as if i was deeply intoxicated in my own pride and my own worldly knowledge, and i was acting like a bloody drunk because of it. and then one day, someone got my head and dunked it in freezing water to wake me up and show me the real deal. so here i am...still recovering from the greatest shock of my life. i dont know what the real deal is yet. i'm still figuring it out. but wow...what a revelation. after four years, i'm still feeling its aftershocks.