today was my mom's birthday. my present was a spectacular dinner extravaganza. and by the end of the night, my mom was joyful, my dad was filled, andmy hopes of being a culinary artist had been renewed. :)

so i went to Ralphs to pick up all the stuff i needed. i was gonna make spaghetti and meatballs. so...i go and look for noodles. oh my jeeezus, there are so many brands of noodles. so, being the cheap butt i am, i pick the cheapest one and then go to find the sauce. and ok, if the number of noodle brands is analogous to the number of anteaters in america, than the number of sauce brands is analogous to the number of ANTS in america!! (wow, that was a completely unneccessary analogy...i could have just said that there are a lot of sauce brands, but then i wouldnt have been able to integrate ants and anteaters into my blog, and what fun would that be....) so anyway, i end up getting RAGU with chunky mushrooms. turns out to be an excellent choice. ok, so i'm off to get the veggies...so i was picking out carrots and corn, and i guess you'r supposed to get a bunch of carrots, like a group of them, but i didnt want so many, so i just got one carrot. and two corn things. ok, so i'm off to get the ground beef for meatballs, and i'm over at the meat section, and it looks so nasty..it looks like intestines sitting in a puddle of blood...so i decided instead to get frozen meatballs. so i go to the frozen section and get the Private Selection brand (extreme savings!!). ok so i go to the salad bar to make a salad in a container and just serve that. that was actually pretty fun. i gotta mix and match, and i made a smiley face with two egg slices and a green bean thing. so now i'm done, and i'm up to the counter place, and i'm laying down all the stuff i'm buying, and the guy thinks i'm fucking nuts. who the hell gets ONE carrot and puts it in a bag? and EVERYTHING i got was the cheapest brand. haha...and then he's ringing up the salad, and silly me, i start giggling, and he gives me the strangest look. so anyway, i finally go home and start to make things. i realize that i dont know where ANYTHING is because we just moved, and the kitchen stuff isnt in yet. so i improvise! (ho hO!...a necessary quality for a chef) i get the yellow pages book and put a papertowel over it and use that as my cutting board. dude, i used paper towels for EVERYTHING. for a cutting board, for temporary plates, for wipers....so anyway, i start cutting up the veggies, when i realize that i dont have the peeler for the carrot. so i just use a knife and try to peel it like an apple. okk...after i'm done, the carrot is as skinny as a noodle. and i only bought ONE! jeez...anyway so i sautee it all and put it in a big pot with the sauce. i cook the noodles ( i'm an EXPERT at cooking noodles. all those ichiban ramen's really honed my skills in this) to perfection. then i break the corn and cook that, and it's ready to go. AND...to top it all off, i break out the Orangina, only the BEST carbonated drink in the world (and the only carbonated drink i drink). woo. so i come home, and mom's all happy and stuff. and my dad's happy too (which is good b/c i told him earlier today that i got a parking ticket. oops. but he said he'd pay for it. woo!) so screw college, i'm gonna become a world renowned culinary artist, taking over Emeril's show, beating every one of them' iron chefs, start up my own chain of restaurants, and invent my own brand of spaghetti sauce that can go on the rack with the billions of other brands at Ralphs. hell yeah.