last night i didnt sleep. again, i was bombarded with all of these thoughts, and they scared me. i coudlnt get 'em out of my head either. not "the ring" kinda scary. but the deep revelations that you're only supposed to have a few times in a lifetime...about people, about life, about afterlife...and i'm too fucking stupid to understand what they mean. that's what's so frightening about it. you dont know what it means. it's like when you read something and you're too dumb to comprehend the words, but you know that there's something of huge importance in those words. and you need to know, but you cant. and it's alright if you only have these once in a while, but when you're flooded with them, and they're all trying to enter your head all at one time, you feel like you're gonna explode. i hate these nights. they wear me out, and these thoughts...they kill me. they're like fucking parasites, leeched onto my head. they eat away at me, and soften me and slowly scrape away my character. like crashing waves onto rocks. eventually, these rocks are eroded...and turn to sand..and finally into fine miniscule specks of dust.

yeah...dust. that's what i'll become.